Why must we...

Put each other down? From the stranger walking by to the people we call friends. I'm guilty of this, Ive put down friends down to their faces and worst of all behind their back. Talked about strangers as if I knew them. I'm on a couple mommy pages on Facebook, and some recent drama has resulted in these girls calling each other nasty names and worst of bringing their kids in the drama calling them HORRIBLE names. I look back and I wish i could say I'm sorry to so many people i have hurt with my words. calling them name such as fat, c*nt, bit*h, or whatever it may have been even if i dint hurt them just knowing that i was TRYING to hurt them. why is it that hurting other people or putting them down makes us feel better about our selves. I'm guessing its jealousy or hated for the things we see wrong in ourselves. Take my ex husband for example, I left him and started dating another man awhile after we split. I am trying my best to be a co-parent and take his feeling into account knowing it must be hard to be left by your wife and see her move on so quickly with a guy. anyways now he is always putting me down then saying oh im kidding. seriously yesterday he called me a hooker like 5 times in text messages. my boyfriend tries his best to make me feel better saying he is doing it to get a rise outta me but i have to say it does hurt. I can admit i care what other think of me, to a point. I know who I am but i think part of who we are is what other people see in us. like if everyone thinks your a slut eventually your going to start thinking it to. I think we see ourselves in mirrors the media and other paint for us, like i use to think I was pretty but then i start to look at myself in mirrors put up all around and i know im far from it or i use to think i wasn't fat just a bit chunky boy was I wrong. I wish that the world was a little less about  trying to knock other down a level or two. maybe let the world not be so black and white and let everyone be their own color. just a little vent

Introducing Me

First blog so i guess ill introduce myself, I'm Rashelle but i go by shelle. I was born on December 25, 1986 which makes me 25 years old. I was born and raised in California, a little bit in quartz hill and some in lake Isabella. I was 22 when i meet my future ex husband on the internet i moved from California to Illinois. After about 6 months of being out in Illinois I married my ex on November 14th 2009 and found out I was pregnant with my daughter Katelyn. To make a long story short my ex was an ass, a controlling ass. As soon as we got married he thought he owned me. I am a very strong female a bit loud mouthed at times, and I've never had a man tell me what to do or what not to do. I quit doing anything fun, I had no friends, and he and his family put down everything about me from what I wore, to how I cooked, to where I was born, to my family, to my tattoos, to my religion, and to my political stance. So when my daughter was about year and half I thought to myself if I was to stay with him it would show her its okay to let a man be like that to you, that its okay to not stand up for yourself. So I started my plan very quietly not telling anyone, I never believed in divorce until it was my only option he was never going to change and i wasn't going to be treated like a door mat anymore. So when our tax return came in I took half told him i needed to move into my own place just to sort thing out. which was half true i needed to move into my own place but it was already sorted out through our two year marriage he always promised to change or try a little bit harder. I knew it was a giant liar, and I Realize I got married because I wanted to have a family I wanted to have someone to love but in all reality I never loved this man, I love what he gave me the best gift ever which is my daughter Katelyn. I had failed relationship after failed relationship in my life but three stuck out Andy I dated on and off for like 6 years, Dan which I dated 2 years, and josh married 2 years. All relationships I pushed myself to stay in because I didn't want to be alone, I wanted to love and be loved in return. Anyways back to it, I got myself a two bedroom apartment about 40 miles from my now ex and I am happier than ever in a new relationship that happened with a man that had been in my life for awhile he was a friend that was there when I needed him the most. He knows the real me and doesn't expect me to be someone I'm not. First relationship that I didn't have to work at, he just fits into my life. What man sees a woman who is a complete mess and a single mom and thinks hey that's the woman i want to be with. He is everything I have ever asked for he is gentle, kind, smart, but the best thing is he is a great dad to his daughter as well as a "step" dad to my daughter. He makes me feels like anything is possible. He holds my hand and looks into my eyes like I'm the only girl. This man makes me laugh when I feel like crying. He is the first man that I loved, that i truly from the bottom of my heart cant live without, makes my heart skip a beat , makes the world seem as if it is standing still, and I know he is "the one". So that's where I am at this point in my life, I have a Wonderful Man (Matthew), Two little beautiful little girls (Ellie and Katelyn) , And our whole lives ahead of us.